When I first started working at a university for a living at age 18, I worked with an incredibly diverse group of people with all kinds of personalities. Overall, we all got on well, we had to for the place to function. Some people kept their distance and some were rarely seen as other people I worked with seemed to shun them for one reason or another. Personality politics occurs everywhere – we don’t have to necessarily like everyone, but we do have to get on together for the common good. There was one guy called Jack that was a mechanical engineer that had a reputation as being a particularly nasty anti-social kind of person – no one but the immediate people he worked with ever saw him, and they never said anything nice about him. One day I had to go to the engineering workshop for a project that required some specialized machinery. Nobody was about. As I wandered around trying to find someone, a man came out of a side office and questioned my presence in the workshop. I greeted him pleasantly and courteously, particularly so as he was an older man. I had no idea who he was, and it wasn’t important to me. I was there to get a project done. I showed him an engineering drawing I had done of a small apparatus I needed for my work and discussed with him what it would do. The man was attentive and asked me a lot of questions. We hit it off immediately. As a young man I knew what I was talking about, and the man respected that, and at the same time I showed great respect for his questions, feedback and obviously large amount of experience built of decades within a machine workshop. We chatted about other things as well as we discussed the project and when it might get completed. I expected it to be several weeks, but the man then said, “come back in two days, I’ll have it done by then.” I thanked him profusely and told him I was impressed by his profound engineering knowledge. He smiled and we shook hands – I said, ‘I’m Richard” and then he said to my utter astonishment, “I’m Jack, and whenever you need other specialized projects bring them straight to me.” Going back to my labs, I found the one older colleague who actually talked well of Jack and asked what the story was about Jack. It seems Jack had been a top machine engineer in industry before he laid off and had to get a job as a head machinist at the university. The rest of the university workshop machinists were jealous of his expertise, and many thought one of them should have become the head machinist when the position first opened up. I immediately understood what had gone on. The rest of the workshop had projected jealously and animosity towards Jack, and his response had been to simply react and close himself off. Jack and I became friends and although he kept his distance from others, he would come out of his way with a smile to chat with me, and do ‘projects’ I needed for my work as a technician. I hope the simple idea in this little story shows a lot of what goes on with relationships, especially toxic relationships. Most come about from negative emotions, poor communication, and misconceptions.
Everyone wants to be loved. Whether that is shown as respect, a smile, a question about their family, whatever; it is a connection to others that is both non-judgmental and accepting of who they are that is important. Everyone has their emotional baggage and their own life’s lessons that weight heavily on them, but everyone opens up to Love in whatever form it is offered. Sometimes, a person has become so ‘damaged’ by the circumstances of life, it takes a special caring person offering compassion that helps in a healing. Hate and Anger beget only more Hate and Anger. Love and Compassion bring healing and connection. In my first post on Spirituality, I mention an exercise I did with my classes. We find it so easy to say “I hate you” even in jest to a stranger, yet have a difficult time saying “I love you” even to people we know as friends. Such is the strange conditioning by our society and the various cultures we live within. Most people are in a battle for some form of control. We are so divorced from our own magnificent internal energy, we spend most of our waking day searching for energy from other people. We need their approval and/or their attention in some way to make sure they are focused on us in some way. We manipulate events, discussion, or create a scene just to get that attention, at whatever the cost. The more attention you get, the more external energy flows your way. Drama increases for people in this mode as everyone becomes addicted to getting their energy this way. Once you become centered in yourself, your need for external energy goes away. What may have been egoic expressions of love (I love you if you love me – conditionality) and compassion go from attention seeking to positive giving of positive energy for healing and harmony (I love me when I’m with you – unconditionality). Sounds corny, but that’s the rub so to speak. You become willing to look at everyone in a more positive light. You don’t need to react to anything negative, just respond calmly – it is not about you, their negativity and drama is about them.
Michal Roads has a wonderful line about who we really are, “You are a Magnificent, Metaphysical, Multidimensional, Immortal Being of Love and Light.” Every one of us, no matter how loving or objectionable or evil a person may be. Mother Teresa when asked why she went to Calcutta to help the poor, is often quoted to have said, “Because I saw Hitler in myself.” John Lennon once said that “We are all Christ and we are all Hitler”. They both said this to emphasize that every human has the capacity for extreme compassion and love, and also the capacity of hatred and anger. We choose what we will express! “If you judge people, you have no time to love them” Mother Teresa. We don’t all need to become saints and devote all of our live to caring for the sick and needy. We do need to help, and we do need to care, and that should be a part of how our lives are conducted everyday. BUT we have our own lessons to learn along the way. One of the simplest and best lessons you can give yourself is to live your bliss, and do it now. Yes, we all have millions of reasons for not following our bliss. Real life gets in the way – sounds a lot like the “Cat’s in the Cradle song by Harry Chapin.” Prince Ea does this beautiful short video on YouTube “Everybody Dies, but Not Everybody Lives.” A theme going through many films at the moment is about people recognizing what they want from life (and please don’t quote me the Lottery – that’s just money for security, which is a fear expressed). We came into the life to live, not to merely exist until we die. So many people are caught up in fear of one form of another that chains us to being who we think other people think we should be. The latest version of “The secret life of Walter Mitty” by Ben Stiller expresses they nicely. People always admire others that broke free of the yoke of societal expectations, yet the comment I hear so often, “I can’t because…….” Now list All the reasons you can’t and then don’t. Yes, you have family, responsibilities, and a million other things that restrict you, but notice that what we prioritize is what we deem important. And if you daydream something else, then your priorities are placed upon you and not necessarily by you!
More often than not, fear is the brake we put on ourselves. And more often than not, it is a fear of failure (or in some cases, actually succeeding). It’s not about running off to the jungle and becoming an explorer. That works for a few. For the rest of us, it’s about following that little voice inside of you that says you want to do something unique for YOU and the expression of your unique gift, whatever it is. It is about finding a way to somehow incorporate it slowly into the maelstrom of your life where society somehow carved out that nasty little niche for you to live and die within. Just imagine us all somehow doing something like following our bliss until we reached a point that the societal expectations just melted way and we were happy because we were doing something creative we loved. This is a big step to Loving Yourself. Unless you Love and help yourself first, you merely continue to use others to fill some void left by some past hurt when you sought approval (and probably didn’t get it). Would you like to get off this emotional treadmill? Living Sustainably in yourself and the helping others to do so is a big step to living sustainably together. It changes the whole dynamic from competition to cooperation. To Be Continued…….
“Imagine there’s no heaven, it’s easy if you try. No hell below us, above us only sky. Imagine all the people living for today. Imagine there’s no countries, it isn’t hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for, and no religion too. Imagine all the people living life in peace. You, you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope some day you’ll join us and the world will be as one. Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can. No need for greed or hunger, a brotherhood of man [sic]. Imagine all the people sharing all the world. You, you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope some day you’ll join us, and the world will live as one. Imagine lyrics by John Lennon.”
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