Framing for Positive Communication and Interactions- How language creates our thoughts and frames our behaviors and well-being. 

In basic communication theory, thoughts in your head have to be converted into words. As the sender, these words are specifically encoded by how your brain thinks about the world.  The words are transmitted in some manner and are received by another, who then decode the words based on how they think about the world.  There are around 7000 languages in the world and all vary in how words are used in the construct of that language.  Lora Boroditsky comments on how some languages use cardinal compass directions instead of directions like left-right, front-back, etc.  Many languages have masculine and feminine nouns such that a bridge in German is feminized with words like beautiful or graceful while in Spanish it would be masculinized with words like strong or powerful.  The frame of reference influences how we think about something.  Even words that express color changes how we see the world.  In English, men are reputed to only verbalize the world in about 32 colors, while women may see and verbalize as many 256 words.  So instead of the ocean simply being blue, an English speaking woman might use azure, turquoise, or steel blue to describe the color of the water that makes it come alive in a unique way.  The way we use language influences how we perceive the world.  Make no mistake, words have power!

I find it fascinating how negative the world seems.  It would seem that negative information is a fact of life in modern living with the mainstream media happily telling us how we going to hell in a hand-basket.  All this does is make us live in a constant state of anxiety.  We come to fear everything, big and small – the world is a place to be feared and must be beaten and controlled if peace is to be found.  In their book ‘Metaphors we Live by’ Lakoff & Johnson, they make the case that metaphors unconsciously structure our beliefs, thoughts and hence, actions in our daily lives.  In the USA, for instance, much of the population live a ‘war’ metaphor even when they are not at war with anything specifically.  Whether it be business, sports, personal relationships, community living, or even interaction with the natural world, people talk with language that mirrors a war environment.  This of course means that everything and everyone is unconsciously an adversary in which we are in dire competition.  Even discussions are argumentative battles that must be won.  Again, this is typical of a competitive mindset that justifies winners and losers.  A negative mindset will typically produce negative reactions to any situation.  It is not that competition is inherently negative, after all it can be used to bring out the best in someone even if they do not actually win, but when framed as only a win-lose where losing is seen as negative, then it is a negative mind frame.  We should all be encouraging each other to excel in all we do, but glorifying only the winners is detrimental to us all.

Robert Schrauf found that most people in a westernized society predominately use negative words when describing emotional states. This puzzled him at first but it seems to be a problem of the times in which we live.  We seem more and more to have been conditioned to express negativity.  A lot of this may be evolutionary.  Positive emotions and thoughts take less cognitive effort because ‘things are going well.’  Negative thoughts and emotions take more effort to analyze and require more detailed thinking – an evolutionary coping mechanism it seems.  Since the times we live in are actually one of the safest periods in known history, our paranoia is really a product of the amount of negative input we face, day in, day out.  The war-conflict metaphor that runs our lives!

Think about the following word: when I use the word ‘destroy’ what comes to mind? Then words like crush, devastate, overwhelm, defeat, slaughter.  These are words used daily in general conversation to denote how business people talk about winning a deal, or sports newscasters talk about teams playing a game.  The mind only hears the word not the context in which the words are used. If you say you are anti-war for instance, then the brain hears the word war, which in turn drives a fear reaction and induces stress.  If, however, you say you are pro-peace, then the brain hears peace and relaxes more.  When we use the idea that ‘argument is war’ then the war metaphor shapes our thinking so that every argument is a battle to be won. It is not uncommon to hear someone say “He won that argument” or “I attacked every weak point in his argument”. The very way argument is thought of is shaped by this metaphor of arguments being war and battles that must be won. Hence, everything comes to be seen in terms of conflict.

Think about the following pairs of negative terms with a similar and more positively framed term and then consider which term is more likely to bring out a positive reaction and outcome and which one is more likely to induce an argument or negative reaction:

• Short Attention Span vs. Many Interests
• Irresponsible vs. Carefree
• Disobedient vs. Self-directed
• Stubborn vs. Persistent
• Impulsive vs. Spontaneous
• Impatient vs. Eager
• Rebellious vs. Non-conformist
• Disorganized vs. Unstructured

Similarly, when we use positive thinking we tend to be more positive and optimistic even when things may not be as wonderful as we would like.  This is not some obnoxious kind of Pollyanna thing, but literally. A rewiring of the brain.  Now think about your current frame of mind.  If you say I am peaceful, I am happy, I love you, I am healthy then you are flooding your body with positive biochemicals that further enhance your well-being.  If you go around saying I am anxious, I am sad, I feel frustrated, I hate you, I am tired, I am sick then your brain hears all this negativity and floods your body with stress biochemicals that diminish your well-being.  You literally create your own well-being with how you communicate.  It is not a given that you will automatically have positive well-being if you promote positivity, but it is more likely.  What does seem true is that if you live with negativity then well-being is always elusive.